Hi everyone! This video is
going to be about borderline personality disorder.
Specifically, the two types, as in the almost textbook, ‘acting
out,’ ‘classic’ borderline, and then the ‘acting in,’ ‘quiet’
borderline. I have a video dedicated to personality
disorders, which includes borderline, so I’ll have a link
to that specific part for anyone who is interested. While that
describes the more textbook case of borderline, there are
different variations. Now, as with any disorder, everyone
experiences it differently. Just because someone doesn’t fit the
exact criteria doesn’t mean that they are not struggling with the
disorder. Two people with the same exact disorder can be total
opposites in terms of their past experience, the severity of the
symptoms, and how they cope with it. So, there are always
exceptions to the rules no matter what. The criteria for
BPD is when an individual has intense mood swings, problems
with self-worth, unstable interpersonal relationships,
and impulsive, self-destructive behavior. They can have black
and white thinking, meaning something is all good or all
bad and this can change very rapidly. In addition they
can have intense fears of abandonment which will lead to
fears of loneliness and perhaps even paranoia and delusions.
Generally those with borderline have had a childhood of abuse
and/or abandonment. So, as they develop, they will reference
their past experiences when trying to form new
relationships. Which, since they may have been abused and
abandoned, they will often have that intense fear of being
abandoned and try to avoid it in someway. How these two types
approach it is very different. Furthermore, again due to their
past experiences, as with PTSD as well, if they are not able
to go back to those traumatic memories of abuse and
abandonment and face them, they will continuously repeat and
relive them. This is, of course, all subconscious. They choose
someone that will abandon them because their abandonment issues
from the past have not been resolved so they will end up
reliving it over and over again. With that being said, most
people only know about the classic type of borderline. Most
are not aware of the other type, the quiet borderline. So, I
will discuss both of these and how they handle
things differently. The classic borderline is mostly
described as the textbooks case. There can be exaggeration
in what they say and do, malingering, attention seeking
qualities, as well as denial. Many times they will seek
attention to gain sympathy from others so they don’t feel alone.
But, they are not always aware of their attention seeking ways,
which can lead to denial or even them being mendacious. I
will have a video dedicated to attention seeking that will go
into much more detail about this and what to do about it. But
anyway, the intensity of these symptoms will often indicate
how dramatic they are with their behavior. For instance, when it
comes to fears of abandonment, they may always want someone
around to fill the emptiness they feel when alone. They may
not be able to be alone. To a severity, they can even threaten
people who will leave them or even harm the person or
themselves so the other person feels bad for them and stays
with them. Again, the more severe the abandonment issues
they have, the more frantic and dramatic their behavior will be
to keep someone around. They may make many, many friends so they
do not feel alone. Maybe none of them will be close friends, but
just knowing that they have tons of people around will make them
feel better. They may lie and manipulate others to gain
control over the situation and person they feel will leave
them. This is their frantic attempt of avoiding abandonment.
It’s often dramatic and will often be seen as such. Many
people may not want to be around them because of their fears of
abandonment as well as their paranoia and delusions they have
about someone abandoning them, since they may accuse the person
of going behind their back and doing them wrong, when they
never actually did. In addition, others may view them and their
behavior as attention seeking, dramatic, and try to avoid them
altogether. Again, all of this is the classic borderline,
generally at a more severe degree. Not everyone with BPD
expresses themselves this way or has all these issues with
abandonment and attention seeking. Another type is
the quiet borderline, which I will discuss now. The other not as well known
type of borderline is the quiet borderline. Unlike the classic
borderline which mostly directs its behavior outwards towards
others as we saw in the previous section, most of the behavior of
the quiet borderline is directed inwards. Instead of ‘acting
out’ like the classic, the quiet ‘acts in.’ In other words, they
direct their negative emotions and behavior to themselves and
hide it from others, which is the opposite of the classic
borderline that will often involve others in their intense
emotions and self-destructive behavior. The quiet borderline
can struggle greatly on the inside and no one may even know.
They will still exhibit the main symptoms of the disorder and
meet the criteria, such as black and white thinking, intense
mood swings, problems with self-worth, and impulsive,
self-destructive behavior. However, the difference is that
they will hide their emotions and how they feel from others
and project it onto themselves. Their approach is quite
different from that of the classic borderline. Instead of
seeking attention and sympathy from others because they
think they deserve it, the quiet borderline is generally the
opposite. They will often think they are not worthy or deserving
of being loved or having friends. So, instead of seeking
out many friends, they will often stop a friendship before
the person gets too close to avoid that fear of abandonment
that they have. If they lie or manipulate others, it’s
generally not for malicious reasons to control them, but
rather to distance themselves from the other person to, again,
avoid the perceived abandonment. So, instead of people abandoning
the quiet borderline, they will abandon the other person,
which in turn means they are abandoning part of themselves
and what they would really want, which would to not be abandoned.
On a personal note, this is the one that has defined me the
best. Now, I’m not saying I have borderline personality disorder.
I don’t know, care, and it’s not important to me and doesn’t
matter. But, I can relate to much of the characteristic, more
so of the quiet borderline since I hide my true emotions from
everyone and no one knows. Most of my behavior is directed
inwards instead of outwards. I had so much self-hatred and
always directed that inward because I didn’t want people to
know how much I was suffering. I was able to hide it so well that
it was even hidden from myself. I was not even aware of how much
I was struggling or who I was until more recently when I could
reflect back and see how things were. This is how much I masked
it from everyone, including myself. But, this certainly has
improved as I’ve been learning how to express myself better.
I’ve thought my whole life, and still do struggle with the fear
of abandonment and that no one loves me. I don’t feel as though
I am deserving of being cared about or loved because I’ve
never felt it because I always push people away when they get
too close. And, it’s always the same, they always end up lying
to me and deceiving me, which is why I do it. So, I stay away.
Now, I have gotten a lot better in this area as well since I do
communicate more personally now. However, I still do not let
anyone get close to me, and don’t want them to be. So, I’m
not as bothered by it anymore since I have accepted it.
And, that is just a bit of my personal experience on how
I relate to this but your experience could be
completely different. So, the two types of borderline
are the ‘acting out,’ ‘classic’ borderline and the ‘acting
in,’ ‘quiet’ borderline. Please remember that everyone deals
with these things differently and has a unique experiences
so it’s best to not group individuals into categories or
makes a diagnosis of yourself or others based on this criteria.
Thank you for watching and I hope this was
informative and helpful!

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