So today’s topic is something many of us struggle with and that is the anxiety around potentially stopping therapy. What do we do? So stay tuned. So, like I said today’s topic is how to deal with the anxiety of potentially terminating therapy. Or at the very least, giving more time in between sessions. Now, in the therapy world we call this putting together a “termination plan”. And I don’t know if your therapist will say this to you, because I don’t actually think I say that to my clients but it’s something that I mentally make note of, and I’ll start jotting down this “termination plan”. And things that I would make sure you mention to your therapist that kind of helps, even me as a person who is in therapy, it helps us deal with the anxiety of it is knowing this plan is going into place. And there are about four things that I’ll mention today that will really help alleviate this. Now, first of all, we’re going to talk to our therapist, we’re going to bring it up and we’re gonna say, “I’m feeling really anxious about not seeing you anymore and I would like (number one) some collateral resources to help me when we stop.” Now, I know it’s really difficult to say, “Yeah I’m going to stop” but we’re gonna want some resources. These collateral resources, these referrals are things like groups. Or let’s say we’re struggling with alcoholism, it’s like an AA kind of referral. Or, maybe we do an art therapy group. Something that they refer you out to. Ask them for it. We have tons of referrals, and if we don’t, we can ask people around, other peers and colleagues of ours for recommendations and we can find something that fits with you and what you’re struggling with. Now, there are many eating disorder clinics in my area who have either Monday nights or Sunday nights a lot of times they have groups for people who are working on recovery, who aren’t in treatment anymore but they need the constant support. It’s things like that, okay? So make sure you ask for those resources. Now, the second thing is making sure you’re ready for termination. And you need to talk with your therapist openly about this. So this is, “How much longer are we going to see each other? When will you know I’m ready?” (To your therapist) “When will you know I’m ready for termination, and how will I know?” Now they’re not going to say, “You’re going to know because you’ll feel blah blah blah…” But they can talk to you about how we can work together and come to an agreement on when it’s okay. So that’s kind of the second thing we have to do. We have to figure out when we’ll know that we’re ready. And when our therapist will know we’re ready. So we’re working together, right? The more we talk about things the less anxiety we’ll have around them. Am I right? Because usually when we don’t talk about things it gets real messy. So the third thing I want you to talk with your therapist about is do they have an open door policy? Now, we call it that in the States, and that means, and I have that, and most therapists I believe we’re ethically supposed to, and that means you can come back any time you want. You’re having trouble, give me a call, we’ll schedule you. And I don’t know how it is in other parts of the world, but while you have your therapist here and you have time, ask them. “What is the policy? What happens if I start decompensating and I don’t do as well and I find I’m triggered all the time? How do I get another appointment? Can I call you? Can I email you? Do I need another referral? Find out. So the fourth thing that I want you to do, and to prepare to manage that anxiety with potentially stopping therapy, is planning for the slip ups. Now I know that sounds really weird, “Why am I planning to have issues?” But there are going to be things that are going to trigger us whether we have depression, anxiety, eating disorder, self harm, bad body image, there’s a whole bunch of things. And things can really trigger us. That can be stress around a test we just took that gave us a really bad cold. It could be anxiety, it could be anything, it could be our parents are coming to town that makes us really stressed out, oh my god, oh my god, it could be any number of things and we have to plan and prepare for that. And I’ve done lots of videos on like, safety plans and things like that if we’re having suicidal thoughts. It’s kind of around the same type of idea. We’re going to plan for the potential stressors and triggers. What will we do? How will we get through it? What are coping skills we can use? And this is also kind of a great time with your therapist to go over all the gains you’ve made. All the successes you’ve had. Because all of those things you’ve learned and worked with them on are kind of part of that plan, right? We’ve learned new coping skills, we’ve worked on ways to better communicate our needs and our wants and how upset we are, etcetera, right? So, use those things that you’ve learned and worked on in your plan. And it can remind you of how far you’ve come. And then it’s like, “Yes! I’ve done so well!” So I hope that those four things really help you out in managing your anxiety around, you know, slowly letting go of therapy. Because it’s not something that we have to be in all the time. It’s something that we can kind of come and go and get like “booster sessions”, right? And like always, don’t forget, you have to subscribe to know that I put out videos! And I’m on YouTube, I’m on Twitter, I’m on Tumblr, I’m on Google+, I’m on Pinterest, I’m everywhere all the time. And I’m on Instagram. And if you want to see what I’m doing in my regular day-to-day life (Which is not that exciting, I must admit) it’s KatiMorton1, but I try to make it fun, and it’s kind of cool. So yeah, so make sure you subscribe and check me out and give it a thumbs up. Bye! Subtitles by the Amara.org community

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40 thoughts on “The 4 MUST Do’s of ENDING THERAPY! Mental Health Videos with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

  1. Can you do a video on not being able to engage with therapy. After being sectioned and put in hospital, I refused to go to see anyone when I finally got discharged a few months later and am still having really bad suicidal thoughts. CAMHS said that theyve pretty much given me all available options and if Im I cant engage, theyll have to discharge me (which they did).Now I just feel really alone and have no one I can actually trust and Im no better than I was when I was when I was inpatient…

  2. Kati….. Everytime i have stopped therapy is all of the sudden my mom doesnt want me to see my therapist because it cost too much money or she all of the sudden doesnt like them so i never continue getting the help i need and im always getting worse….here in CA therapists and pychyatrists cost a lot of money…… And i never get to talk to my thereapist……..anymore and its almost been a year and i fully relapsed. And my gramma says that therapists are for pyscho people…….she says im crazy in the head because im anorexic……

  3. My therapist. Which was a school councler. Pretty much just gave up on me. Didn't ask to see me ever again. And I didn't get better, but whatever.

  4. I watch your videos sometimes as a cutter in recovery (as I refer to myself) for many years now, and just wanted to share how grateful I am for your videos. The time it takes to make them isn't compensated, and because I remember how agonizing it felt to be me back when I was struggling the most, I'm so glad those who need support a la these videos can get to them (and for free!). It's a wonderful thing you give the world <3

  5. hi, I'm doing a course in Counselling and Community work within Australia and I really enjoyed the very first video of yours that I watched as I was studying a unit around the topic of your video-ending counseling I found your video helpful as it gives an insight into as a client or person in therapy how they may/will/might feel etc coming to the termination of their therapy etc, I had been in therapy before myself but I chose to end it off my own back so I voluntarily ended it, not the Cousellor…so it was good to get a feeling for the termination from another perspective/angel!. And it sure will help my studies!.

    Thanks H.O. from Queensland Au

  6. I miss my therapist, he offered to become my supervisor. I'll consider this. Lcd sound system , someone great….

  7. I didn't feel like me and my therapist didn't mesh!.. I was feeling like I couldn't open up.. I have had so much crap built up I just couldn't get any of my feelings out.. she was giving me under 45 mins.. so I didn't give her the time of day I just gave up going..But I need to find another counselor…

  8. I've ended by canceling the next appt and not going back. Getting pissed off and walking out and not going back. The therapist resigned from the practice and stopped therapy.

  9. not a fan of the word "termination" my mind jumps straight to abortions. which triggers my baby momma mind. 🙁

  10. Can you make a video discussing how to handle a therapist who wants to refer you to someone else? I have been with my therapist for 3 years and this week he would like me to transfer to someone else, we have our wrap up session soon and there are so many concerns and anxieties regarding that especially since I have been building this open and trusting situation with him so it will be hard to lose that safe space, but I would love to hear the therapist side in this type of situation. This video was definitely helpful in terms of making sure a new safety net is built.

  11. My PDr. left all her patient's including me. I don't know why, didn't figure it was my business. Now I'm left to find someone else. I moved here 4 yrs ago. I'm on my 3rd therapist. This hasn't been easy. I was with my psychologist for over 20 years and my psychiatrist 13 years where I previously lived. I always knew if i moved this would be a pain and it is.

  12. How do you tell your therapist – yes, I'm done with therapy, it doesn't give me anything any more and the help I need is not through therapy – but she doesn't want to let go?? I'm over and done with it, told her I'm not going back and it has been two or so months, but she wants me to come back and has been nagging, not respecting my decision. Yes, it was abruptly, yes, I was in a very bad place when I finally took the decision – but that doesn't mean it's not right! I've been thinking about it for long and I don't miss her one bit. It's just a relief to not travel to the nearby city, so I guess our therapy wasn't that important after all. She did a lot of things for me before, but I've learnt. I no longer need therapy, I need to get my bipolar moodswings controlled by better meds. I'm so good at handling and being aware of my problems it's almost becoming a problem. I'm done. I can't think myself out of this depression, just like you can't think yourself out of a psychosis. I wish she could understand and trust me on this one. At least respect me…

  13. my therapist would constantly nod off and fall asleep, He would just stare at me, over 5 sessions he rarely spoke, it made me so uncomfertable and just seemed like a waste of money

  14. does this apply when I'm going to start my summer holiday? baring in mind that I'll go back to meeting the counsellor after the summer

  15. Hello Kati, are there in your opinion any mitigating circumstances for a therapist violating medical secrecy(giving very private information about another patient when I have told her I know this patient perosnally)..she said…oh that doesn't matter—-when I confromnted her about her doing this she brushed it off saying it wasn't important even though she revealed some very painful and private info…thanks I would really appreciate feedback to know if I should end therapy with thie therapist.

  16. hey kati 🙂
    so I just ended therapy after 1 1/2 years. I really liked my therapist but I still was not able to tell her some thinks that probably would have been important. so she thinks that I will be doing great because I did such a good progress. the truth is, as she started to talk to me about termination I knew I wasn't ready. but I was just to afraid to ask for more sessions (I live in Germany, so she would have to do a lot of paperwork to send to the insurance company etc) . so I let her believe that I'm doing good, even though I was really honest in some parts and told her where I was still struggling related to topics we talked about in therapy. it was my fault that I didn't talked about topics that bother me in everyday live but it just gets worse and worse. she said that I could call her every time and we could do an emergency appointment, but she added that she thinks that there will probably no need if it, because I will do great. with a lot of school stress and other things going on, all my problems seem to get worse. do you've got any tips for me about what I can do? I feel kinda lost now without therapy.

  17. Despite all the advice I became too depressed to attend group therapy. I gave it a year but felt anxious about going all week, every week. I told the therapist. I tried leaving the "right way." In the end I was too ill to walk to the group so left a voicemail. Incase anyone is interested it was analytic group therapy and it felt too opaque and unstructured. It reinforced the idea that I was lost. Emotional numbness made talking about feelings pointless. Feeling like a therapy failure and a bad group member.

  18. Thanks! I recently said, “I don’t think there’s much gas left in the tank [our relationship],” and they agreed. No ‘fight,’ no animosity, nothing. We have a termination date, I gathered resources, they reminded me of the open door policy… I’m just well enough to be on my own.

    But should I need therapy again, I’d like to see someone new. Ah, that reminds me about referrals…

  19. My councellor broke my trust completly I just cant See her anymore I am waiting Till I have found a new One

  20. I am feeling like leaving therapy, not a groupie particularly though at age 60 in early August. Then I will be able to get involved in programs with the department of the aging-like art and guitar or music groups. I do not know her policy, thanks and my insurance company policy too! I am feeling good so I am ready, I think. Not into substances, I feel stressed sometimes but for reasons like when my cat is overly demanding when I am trying to sleep, I wake up and am tired in the morning. I feel without a healthy realm now. Good to celebrate growth and mine and sharing this together! Maybe not anxious per se but a bit insecure not knowing how this works. This therapy experience is my first. I do not know how to break up. : )

  21. But how I really now I can end therapy??. Because my therapist lend this on me. She don't involve at all in this matter. I feel like I don't wanto to go anymore,because I feel tired and I'm not seeing any improvement…Besides it cost me a lot of money!. Some sessions I fell like I am wasting my money.

  22. In England you have to see a general practitioner if you want to go back into therapy. Some people wait for months to see someone and there's no guarantee they'll be helpful at all. It sucks, but at least everyone has access to it.

  23. What happens if your not ready but its happening anyway, mostly due to fact i been trying to get ready for 2 years. Its made me worse i think. Im so distressed about it. I guess after a decade therapy gotta pull plug at some point but its blown out my candle of hope out. Since i got really ill with cptsd i hung on for therapy as uk has looong waiting list… i then got therapy which was excruciatingly emotionally painful, kept going with hope that id get better. And i guess discharge means im not going to get anymore better. I still cant even work im so triggered by the world. The thought of the only lifeline i have (mental health services) vanishing is beyond terrifying, because surely if no hope how do i now hold off the suicidal tendancy? I feel that keep delaying discharge is prolonging suffering but how can i allow discharge when im so unstable? How will i ever ask for help again? I dont have anyone in my life anymore as therapy taught me they were all unhealthy. And all i seem to attract are unhealthy so i have become a recluse apart from my kids. Its just us safe as can be. Perfect but services are have become my only healthy longstanding relationship with humans. I feel like the last humans are leaving me here on the desert island they helped me create. Im not stupid ive tired to re frame it all and re assure myself ect. Cant shift this utter dread and doom of discharge. Bar 4 years on waiting list ive been under mental health services since 17 when lived in supported housing for mental health issues preg and homeless. Got discharged, attempted suicide seriously, weighed 5 half stone literally skin and bone before i got bk in again. Ive clang on for dear life since then because i feel like without them im on death sentence. However they dont really do anything anymore so not sure what im clinging to. So humiliating i feel like an infant being seperated from its mum im full grown 38 year old mother. Wth is wrong with me. Literally emotionally retarded

  24. Kati

    What can I expect when my therapist quits on me before I am ready because of my BPD . How do I not take that as rejection

  25. Oh Kati my therapist left me without an explanation, I have been crying all week, I feel anxious and alone, I was doing amazing and I knew it was going yo end but I was about to talk to him about the plan "to let go and say goodbye", but now he just left. I got a call from his office telling me he called and told them he had some personal situations and he probably wasn't coming back. I'm just crush. It's to much for me to take I feel betrayed and I don't want to be " Pass around ", I have depression, PPD , anxiety, PTSD he was helping me with that and I was doing a lot better but now I am a mess. I don't know how to cope. This is awful. 😣😣😣😭😭😭

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