Hey guys. This video is very late and I don’t
know if you can tell, but I finally have my actual video camera, so now you can see my
very tired morning face in high definition. I’m really sorry about this video being late,
because I was actually very excited about this topic. A while ago, it might have even
been a year ago…anyway, a long time ago, a long long time ago we did a topic, a week,
for just mental illness in general, and my video, which I’ll link in the description,
and isn’t really one of my best videos, but I do talk about how it intersects with being
non-binary, specifically in the context of either looking for a therapist or coming out
to a therapist, so if you’re interested in that you can watch the video. Just know that
it’s not that good. This time, all of us are specifically doing intersection between mental
illness and our identity and I wanted to talk about
the more concrete obvious intersections, which
is literally how our non-binary identities affect our mental illness and vice-versa.
Let’s start with gender dysphoria. There are a couple different kinds of gender dysphoria
and ways it can manifest for some people. It’s very all-encompassing, not very specific,
they just feel very shitty and depressed whenever something triggers their dysphoria, or just
all the time. I’ve read that often in young children, that is the most visible way that
gender dysphoria shows up. They become depressed, irritable, have temper tantrums, stuff like
that. Minus the temper tantrums, the same thing can happen to adults and older children.
Sometimes it’s more specific, a lot of times it can be more of a feeling of low self-worth,
which can compound on the same symptom which is caused by depression, along with other
mental illnesses. For me, I have agoraphobia, which basically means that when it’s bad I
have anxiety about leaving the house or leaving my room, so generally my agoraphobia has nothing
to do with my gender dysphoria, but it multiplies the impact when my dysphoria is so bad that
I don’t want to leave my house and I don’t want to be seen in public. Sometimes I don’t
even want whoever I’m living with to see me. It’s already hard enough when I’m missing
school or maybe you’re missing work or not going out with friends because of your agoraphobia,
but because of dysphoria too, it adds the impact that mental illness gives to ruining
your life. Another anxiety disorder that has similar symptoms to dysphoria and can feed
off each other is social anxiety. Social anxiety disorder is anxiety around other people, how
they perceive you, being afraid to talk to people, talk in public, be in public, be seen,
etc. For the same reasons, dysphoria can make you not want to be seen by people, not want
to talk, not want to socialise, and it’s another reason on top of any other reasons you might
have social anxiety for to just make things worse. It’s just another thing on top of the
impact that mental illness can have on your life. So that’s dysphoria, but that’s not
the only way our identity can affect mental illness. Unfortunately, there are many shitty
people out there that will harass you, harass people, harass us for being trans or non-binary,
and the way this can manifest is in many ways and in many levels of intensity. There are
micro-aggressions, which can be cissexist comments about things about girls or things
about boys or stuff, and it can get worse and worse. It can be misgendering, deadnaming,
insensitive comments. Misgendering. And it can get worse and worse to the point where
people get beat, abused, murdered because of their gender identity, and everyone experiences
a range of these things, but how wide the range is depends on your personal experience
and exactly who you’ve had the misfortune to interact with in your life. So all of these
things can add up and contribute to various anxiety panic disorders, and also with the
more extreme and repeated types of harmful transphobia can contribute to Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is a different thing
and I’m eventually gonna make a video on my personal channel explaining what exactly that
is and what’s the difference between regular PTSD so if you’re interested, take note of
that. Not directly a cause, not a necessary direct result of being non-binary, but something
that happens because of the way that other people react to us, that sort of mistreatment
can cause or exacerbate mental illnesses and general emotional problems in multiple ways.
Oh! I forgot! Another one I wanted to talk about, back to the dysphoria thing, it’s often
a combination of dysphoria and transphobic things that people say, or insensitive things
that people say about other peoples’ bodies can really affect your overall body image.
Basically negative feelings, shame, hate towards our bodies can result in an eating disorder,
or make an eating disorder worse, or shape the symptoms or type of eating disorder someone
has. A common misconception that I should make sure people don’t have is that eating
disorders are about thinking that you’re fat. For a lot of people, that is part of an eating
disorder, and it’s not about vanity or regular bad self esteem. A lot of times in our society,
it’s not just about being fat because people look down on and mistreat people who are fat
or who have other problems “problems” with their body and it becomes indicative in peoples’
minds of other personality traits, and for some people eating disorders have nothing
to do with how much they weigh. It’s a very complicated topic and there are a variety
of reasons that all overlap each other. Sometimes, those reasons can be dysphoria, gender dysphoria
about our bodies. Dysphoria can make you really hate and dissociate from your own body, and
for some people they may specifically see losing weight as a way to get a more feminine
or masculine body, or just a body that doesn’t have so much of the sex characteristics that
triggers their dysphoria. For some people it’s less of a direct thought process, but
it contributes in the fact that if there’s less of your body or if you have control over
your body, losing weight and shaping your body like that gives you control, and it can
feel really good even if I can’t control how I was born or the sex characteristics of my
body, I can change the shape of it and I can change it drastically and the only one who
has control over that is me. That’s the sort of thoughts that can come with an eating disorder,
especially a restrictive eating disorder. The thing is it’s not worth it, because an
eating disorder along with other addictions, it’s like a snowball rolling down a hill and
you lose control of it really fast and it’s not really worth it, so if anyone who’s watching
this video has felt like that, the control over food and your body can give you some
sort of comfort and relief from the agony and the anxiety that gender dysphoria brings
you, especially about your body. I know how that feels. I know. The thing is that in the
short term it may seem worth it, but in the long term, the farther ahead the consequences
are, the less clearly that we can see them, and an eating disorder becomes a monster that
takes over so much of your life. Gender dysphoria is very hard, but there are other ways to
deal with it and they’re not gonna be as easy, but dealing with dysphoria in those ways,
or just refraining from dealing with dysphoria in ways that feed your disordered eating…it’s
harder but it turns out to be less painful than the way an eating disorder turns out.
If it kills you or almost kills you and you have to claw your way back to a more in-control
state of mind and state of emotions. Because with an eating disorder, eventually you have
to either recover, or you die. For a lot of people, it happens in a short span of time.
People can die within a year or couple of years of having an eating disorder if it’s
severe enough and if they’re unlucky enough. For some people, they may go 20 years having
an eating disorder, but it either gets better or worse, and if it keeps getting worse something
will eventually happen. I feel like I’ve gone on a tangent now, but I just want to make
sure that nothing I say triggers or exacerbates any feelings that people may have about their
eating disorder and their dysphoria and give people ideas. It’s not as common as some people
think, but it is possible that talking about a disordered way of thinking or a way that
feeds into an addiction can actually make the idea occur to someone who has a mental
illness or an addiction, but they never thought that way before, but now that they have it’s
a really dangerous lightbulb. It’s happened to me. Some people are like “it’s like the
violent video game thing, video games are making kids more violent and that’s what’s
wrong with society these days” that’s really over-simplified and most times it’s not the
case, but it does happen though. It’s kind of like that. Where was I? Eating disorders,
dysphoria, transphobia…Often, because of someone’s situation, whether it’s financial
or family, what sort of…oh my god…what sort of community you’re in…I’m adjusting
myself because my hand hurts holding the camera up. What sort of community you’re in you can
feel really hopeless, because if you’re young and your parents aren’t very accepting, or
if you have no way to get hormones or surgery you need, the place that you live or the communities
that you’re a part of will not accept you, you can feel hopeless. There’s no light at
the end of the dysphoria tunnel, it can seem like, and that can make things a lot worse,
especially with depression and with suicidal thoughts, because
when people are suicidal it’s not just how
miserable you are in the moment. It’s also feeling like there is no end in sight, because
if people feel like there is an end in sight, they feel like “yes, if I survive through
this then will be relief and happiness” people can go through a lot of shit, but not only
about depression, one of the symptoms of depression is losing hope, so even if there is a hope
of things getting better, it can oftentimes if you’re depressed you don’t feel the hope,
even if you logically know “I just have to wait until I’m 18” or “things won’t be this
way forever” so depression can make you incapable of feeling the impact of the thoughts, of
the knowledge that there is hope. I personally have never felt
that way connected to my dysphoria, but I
have heard other people that have, and I really do understand, because I’ve felt that way
about other things. It’s really hard to combat that, because with
other reasons that people feel hopeless, like
they can’t get out of the situation that is causing their depression, usually there is
a solution which although it may be very hard to get, and there might not be a very big
chance of getting it, it’s at least possible for a person to do, but about these diseases
that takeover societies like transphobia and transmisogyny, and all this hate and danger
that people are constantly surrounded with is that one person can’t change it, even if
the most powerful person in the world or in a country can’t change it. (car horn beeps)
Okay, I’m gonna try and finish this later. Okay yesterday I thought I’d be able to film
for a few minutes to finish up where I left off, because I had more stuff to say, but
yesterday did not go how I planned at all, and I did not have the ability or time to
finish that I thought I would. I was gonna finish now, but I forgot what I was gonna
say. I covered a lot, I covered dysphoria, how it affects mental illness, transphobia
and transphobic abuse, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, briefly touched on PTSD
because of transphobia and transphobic violent society. I had more to say but I don’t remember
it right now and this video is already late, so I will just wrap it up by saying that
for a lot of people
having a mental illness or mental illnesses
on top of dealing with dysphoria or transphobia or whatever comes from being non-binary…it
really sucks. It’s a lot to handle at once, which is why we have to help each other, and
there are a lot of different avenues to do that. There’s helping…excuse me…helping
people who already have mental illnesses and them preventing the sort of things that cause
or exacerbate mental illness. We have to change our individual lives and then change society.
I’m have some resources, like there’s a pretty new website that helps trans people find trans
friendly healthcare in their area, and you can look for regular doctors, specific doctors,
or therapists, so there will be a link to that below. There’s a website that shows you
local LGBT organisations of various types (social, political), so that will be there.
There’s trans lifeline. I think it’s a year old now, but it’s a suicide and crisis hotline
for trans people, by trans people. I personally called it…or did I text? I contacted them
a month or so after it started up. I think I texted them and I think there was a problem
with them getting back to me on time. I think they have it better sorted out properly. Just
so you know, and you aren’t horribly surprised if they end up not responding or the line
being busy or something. I don’t know how it’s gonna be now, but that’s my experience.
And some other stuff. And if you’re struggling with mental illnesses, me too, and most of
the other Out of this Binary members have their own struggle with mental illness, mental
health, so you’re not alone and you can reach out to any one of us if you want. What else?
What else? I think I mentioned this when I was filming yesterday, but I’m going to do
some videos on my personal channel about misunderstood or less well known mental illnesses that I
have personally have experience with, such as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
which is different from regular Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, so stay tuned for that on
my personal channel if you’re interested. Also I’m gonna do one on Agoraphobia. Um…yeah.
I
don’t know what to say. Hopefully this new year is better for you (and for me). For everyone.
And we can hopefully heal and reach our goals, get past our troubles…WOAH fuck (laughs)
it’s
really hard to survive and do the things we have to do to survive with mental illness,
but it’s definitely possible and you’ve made it so far, however many years you’ve lived
in your life so hopefully there are a lot more years ahead of you. See you guys, and
sorry for being late. Okay, bye.

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