I don’t know I’ve never really give it much thought hum, as I said because I think a lot of people when they see people act a certain way, they don’t know how to respond, so the first thing that probably comes to mind is “you’re crazy” and.. but if you would ask somebody to define or break down crazy they probably wouldn’t even know you know, cause society has a way of using words and they really don’t know what is the real meaning of .. And, crazy can be taken very negative and it can be very painful. I’m kind of biased about it hum, I’ve heard it so much in my life, it’s just like I guess I’m immune to it now. Oh yeah I felt that for a very long time I’m, cause, I don’t live in the norm or in the box so, only when you are creative, when you’re outside the box you will be considered crazy, for your actions, your thoughts, so definitely. If somebody hum, is gonna be in my shoe, they probably hum, have to give them a lot of warning because I get into problems a lot just on an everyday basis because I, I am very spontaneous and hum, so if somebody is gonna be me for a day I would have to really warn them to let them know that a lot of times I just react before I think things out and I think that’s a Sagittarius hum, trait mark, but kind of Sagittarius / crazy manic depressive hum, it’s very adventurous though cause hum, one thing, if somebody would be me for a day they would not be bored. My daily struggle is hum, I guess like anybody else, I try to explain to people that really living with a bipolar illness or manic depressive it’s a daily struggle because, just getting out of bed is a struggle but myself I’ve kind of created routines you know, I created a… for myself that once I get up I, I am able to motivate myself. Because first of all, you have to motivate yourself before you can motivate others but you also have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others, so my daily struggles is as I said, like anybody else, but it’s just that when I’m struggling I keep it to myself so by the time I get to the public, all people see the part of outside, they don’t see the buildup of “oh man I really don’t wanna go out today” or hum, “I’m not having a good day I don’t wanna go to work”. They don’t see that side I like, create an environment so, I can keep my lows at a minimum so I don’t have to share that as technically, most people don’t, or don’t have time for, you know, for downers. So daily struggle is as I said getting up in the morning, getting up out of bed, and then making the best of it. I guess I’m afraid of success, I guess when I really put it all together, I hum, during my life, when I find that I was getting to a point where I was getting success for that, you know, this is it, I could, really accomplish my goals, there seems to be a block, like I don’t I almost think that I don’t deserve to be happy or I don’t deserve as I said, hum, certain accomplishment so I spent most of my life hum, trying to be recognized, especially being in the art, but yeah when you come close to the end of the journey you fear of like if I accomplish this then it’s over like what I’m I gonna do ? so really it’s about the journey because once you reach your goal the fear is like “now what ?”, so my fear would definitely hum, success. Well it depends on hum, my passion is dance, I go way back, I didn’t choose, I didn’t choose to dance, dance chose me, because hum, prior to that I was very athletic I like hum, hockey, came to Jamaica at a very young age but once I started watching hockey and I started playing hockey I really, really enjoyed that, so there’s the freedom you get, like once I learnt how to skate and I learnt how to skate actually outside so there was no boards, so you could skate and there’s a.. this freedom you get when you’re skating in cold wind in your face hum, so, skating and then hockey was a hobby and one of my all time favourite hobby is horseback riding, like I used to do a lot of riding like english saddle and western, but you see, when I got sick, a lot of those hum, hobbies and passions stopped and then all of the emphasis was on the sickness and I got away from, the things that made me happy and it’s not until now, I start getting back to things that, hum, hobbies hum, one of my favourite hobbies is cooking like I’m very passionate about cooking so, right now that I’m actually doing I can of spoken past tense, so, dance, hum, and cooking is something that I am doing right now, the other stuff are things I need to get back to. So I met a girl here, she was studying hum, at McGill when I was dancing and you know, we had a little thing in a sense where she was very interested in my world, my dance world, and she wanted me to go to Paris to meet her family and so force but, the funny story is I have never been before that, I’ve never been to Paris, I’ve never been to France, so I just went to France and you know they pick me up at the airport I went to the outside of Paris and when I got there this girl that I was seeing at the time she wasn’t there and, so, they said to me, they said, “oh she is in hum, Nice”, like so I thought Nice was just on the road I didn’t realized it’s the south of France or something like that sort of type. How do you invite somebody to come to visit you and you’re half way across the the country, so, I ended up down in Nice, I was able to fake an ID because I got a student flight cause I was a bit older at the time but I got a student flight and I got to to the south and I spent some time with her so I, I guess that was funny why I’m getting to it is because the relationship didn’t work out and I had to find my way back to Paris okay ? So I flew to France I was like very happy to go spend some time with her oh I got it while two in the back to find another boy as she puts it so now, I had to get back to Paris so I end up hitchhiking back to Paris and I mean it became the most hum, I guess adventurous period I’ve had cause I went for one you know, one reason and then I end up coming back and but by the time I got back to Montreal, that was the first time I had a manic episode. Right. So, (laugh) My social life now, is great. Because I’ve created this life that I’m living right now I have a job that I had to come back after being down and out, I was you know, in and out of the hospital, I was on welfare, all of the above, but, it was just a learning curve because all the time I was going through what I went through I knew it was only temporary because, once you’ve been somewhere before you know you can get back there and I hum, you see my mother I was amazed by her inspirational because she never gave up on me, cause, yes, there was time I gave up on myself because you know, I went from hum, 175 when I was dancing this fit body, you know cause the body was always in motion and when I was taken another medication, I blew up to almost 200 pounds you know, so, when you pull on a lot of weights it takes away a lot of confidence and you know you don’t feel attractive, you don’t feel as radiant, vibrant, once I found out what I needed to do, like I needed to get back in shape got back in shape, did a lot of volunteer work, and eventually got back to where I belong which is in the dance world and teaching. So now, I, created my own classes cause I wanted to do ballet class I went out and I bought a ballet bar and started a class. So, with all the knowledge that I’ve obtained over the years, I’ve created a space that’s comfortable for me, so, I wouldn’t really, there’s nothing I would change right now based on the experience that I have because yes, it’s easy when you get out of control that, if you don’t find a way to channel that energy it will destroy you. Now myself as I said I was out of control but I, knew that if I got on stage and, start performing, there’s nothing like having a manic energy and being in the arts. Cause, you need to be manic when, if you, hum, myself and the people, I met a lot of people who literally if they weren’t manic, there’s no way they would do what they do, so I realized that actually my manic energy is a very positive energy if it’s used properly. Hum, one of my metaphor that I always used is like, “manic can cook your food or can burn down your house” so, if you channel it properly it can definitely get you to where you need and that’s where I am right now, cause I am cooking the food. Cause when I feel that energy, that manic energy coming on, I could teach, I could work like all week. Right, so, where I am, what I’ve created now, I’ve created it based on the knowledge that I obtained when I was real depressed and when I was down, like when I when through depressive states, I didn’t wanted to be around other people because I felt so bad about myself and I looked bad, cause there’s a thing when you get depressed and you literally start betting up on yourself and you’re not taking care of yourself and, you don’t want to be around people, family, friends, lovers, so, but when you feel good which is a work in progress, like myself I work to put myself in a position where you know, to feel good, so I feel good to be around people, people are happy when I come around, because it’s like when I come around it’s like Audley how are you doing you know, because they don’t feel like I’m on a downdum because there’s enough downers in the world like trust me you don’t have to go far. A lot of time the side that’s left to cope with other people that have something in the family or your friends. It affects you and the caregivers are the people that actually take care of people with a mental health issues are sometimes more at risk than, cause at least the person you that, that person is schizophrenic or that person is manic or you already have a label but the other person who is taking care of those people a lot of time they haven’t been diagnosed cause they’re the caregivers so the fact is when I make a message right now so that anybody sees it and you know, I wasn’t always bipolar at least I wasn’t diagnosed so, hum, pre- 27 28 years old, I was just a party animal, happy goal, lucky guy playing sports living what they would call a normal life, very active life, you know ? And then I, all of a sudden put a label, I’m still the same person, anybody when they look at Audley Coley and say “oh what, he is just talking to this group of people” No. I am speaking to the public at large. So anybody hat reads my book, also that’s a little plug there, Audley Enough is that we all experience that as long as we breath as long as there’s blood that goes in our veins and so, we all have highs and lows and moods, so, you don’t have to have a diagnosis to be able to relate to what I have to say. I eat a lot and like well, if you don’t know me, you probably wouldn’t know that because I maintain my weigh but I burn a lot, I burn a lot because I move a lot and I didn’t realized that you know even early in my life because you know, that I would have the bipolar illness, but when you develop a bipolar illness you actually burn like a candle, you burn so it’s important for you to fuel your body so, hum, when I was hum, a kid, my mum was always saying “oh there’s a lot of kids in the world and you should eat up and clean your plate, so what happened, I end up cleaning my brothers and sisters plate so my nickname was the pig you, they would call me the pig like becasue I was the one that was cleaning up the plate so, that kind of stuck and hum, but that’s pretty much an insider because, not many people outside of my family would be able to look at me and go “oh Audley the pig”, you know not on that level. If I knew what I know now, well I wouldn’t be sitting here and having this interview but a lot of times hum, speaking from my experience when it comes to bipolar illness, usually the signs when you are developing a manic depressive or bipolar illness, it usually starts with a lack of sleep so you’ll find, you’re gonna have a lot of grandiose ideas, you are gonna start a lot of projects but you won’t finish them, you’re going to find yourself not eating as much, so this is a a manic depressive 1-0-1 things to look for before you start hum, checking with a physician or somebody who got hum, who deals with mental health so, you’re you’re voice, you’re thoughts will start to speed up you’re thinking really fast yeah and, before you know as I said you might start getting more aggressive because if you don’t sleep you get anxiety and it could lead to being aggressive and you might en up doing things that you normally don’t, this is as I said, a message you know, for signs that friends and family should look at with the loved one and, but, prevention is the best cure and if I knew right now what I know right now and I was sitting on the other side and somebody tell me this and that I took precaution I would have saved lot of, lot of headaches.