100 thoughts on “How to Deal with a Mentally Ill Parent | Kati Morton

  1. my dad and mom are divorced. when I was 12ish I found out my dad was diagnosed when he was younger with bipolarity. He is never well dressed or presented, my older brother takes his to therapy and my mom pays everything; school, food house, health. He had some maniac episodes some time ago, he calls me from 5 to 10 times a day, since he cannot work, he is bored all day. he is getting to painting and he is taking the medication he needs. I see he is slowly progressing. I love my dad. loving changes everything.

  2. My mother is mentally ill I try to be as patient with her as possible, practice self care religiously never neglect your self-care. I constantly had to apologize for my mother's bad behavior .

  3. My mom and my older brother have bipolar disorder. My younger brother (who is ten years younger) has autism. I struggle with my own problems, but I personally have never been scared of my own mom. I have been scared for her. I’ve been scared of her killing herself and when would be the next time I will have to parent my brother for weeks while she’s in the hospital. I feel horrible when my brother confuses me for his own mom, but I’m glad we have a close connection and that he’ll always have someone to take care of him

  4. What if people like me with separated perants the mentality ill one says no to moving in with the other, sometimes mum scares me because of her mental illness and sometimes she’s happy and treating us well then the next day she’s yelling at us for the littlest things, I just feel overwhelmed and can’t really talk to my friends or older sister about it I’m just scared that one day mum will start to abuse us and leave our religion I enjoy and force us to leave to I hope it doesn’t come to that and thx for the advice 😨😰🤭😭😞

  5. My mom is Schizoeffective and was untreated most of my childhood. I can very much relate to what you are saying. Kati- I've noticed there are few support groups for this. Espically for the co parent of a mentally ill parent.

  6. everything that you said in this video is so accurate. my dad is mentally ill and he’s at a hospital, my sister moved out so it’s only my mum and i living together. my dad has anger issues. i always feel tension and fear that he might lash out and mentally or physically abuse my mum and/or me. what’s even worse is that i feel like in just like him.

  7. I can't just move out. Someone needs to take care of my mother and my little sister. I can go on and on on why I can't just leave the house but I'll be here all day. It's not that easy.

  8. except for the part about not wanting your own family (at a very young age i wanted my own family) i'd say everything else is covered pretty well. both parents had mental issues.. dad tried killing the family (self included) when i was 12, they broke up not long after and 20yrs later nothing has really changed except mom now asks me for money constantly and tries to get me to move in with her (i'm with my aunt now)

  9. I never knew there was a name for the kind of relationship I have with my mom. Feeling responsible for her happiness and being her emotional support growing up has effected me to the point of not feeling like my own life is worth living. I'm 22 and had to move back home due to an injury, and living here has made me incredibly suicidal bc of my moms juvenile behavior, but i can't move back out until my credit score is high enough, and the reason my credit score isn't high enough is because my parents refused to teach me about any of that growing up. They never taught me a single useful thing for thriving as an adult, and it's made me sulk into a pit of hopelessness because i feel so far behind in life. This video gave me hope, just knowing that there is a name for this kind of situation. Thank you <3

  10. I'm 25 and my mom has had schizofrenia since I was a baby. She moved out with her couple ten years ago, he has the same diagnosis.
    My grandmother raised me, I live with my dad. My mom comes when she doesn't have money or if she is having troubles.
    Her psychiatrist thinks I should live with her because we are relatives and she is in a vulnerable situation and I think that would be the best because mental hospitals are scary and her couple can be violent, but I'm afraid to not be able to manage it, I don't always know how to deal with her and sometimes I don't like her anymore, she can be really annoying or say hurtful things. Can I learn with counseling to live a balanced life that includes her and stablish a healthy relationship with her? Or I'm gonna be worst and she's gonna be the same?

  11. I'm concerned. I'm a child of mentally unstable parentage. I've been diagnosed with multiple issues now. I have 4 children (3 adult aged and 1 teen) and you are telling them to get out. I agree, if a parent is in denial about their health however what about one seeking recovery? What about the damage already done to the older 3? My son has nightmares, walks in his sleep, has social anxiety and is becoming an emotional support for my wife. I need to leave. Not them. Or do I? It's so… defeating. Thank you for your videos, Kati.

  12. My dads bi polar. And my mother has had a lot of problems, nothing diagnosed unfortunately. Im very metally ill myself and my oldest sister is too. This whole video really hits home. Ive done all of these except a support group. That could help to.

  13. My mom has an extremely agressive form of schizoaffective. She was not correctly diagnosed tell earlier this year. The combo of her illness and my dads anger was a horrible environment for me to grow up in. She was very attached to me and told me things you dont tell your daughter.
    I definitely have some form of anxiety and depression which I'm positive is a result of my dads physical/mental abuse and my moms own indirect form on mental abuse. I think my biggest fear is to become like my mom and my dad. I'm just grateful to be a functioning adult even with my own issues. I'm capable of living on my own and contributing to this world.

  14. My mum always makes me feel small
    Always saying
    I'm dumb stupid should not live and all the things you can think of but I rather not write here
    And she gets worked up over small issues
    Clothes on the floor
    She would curse and curse saying that Im put this stupid bloody dumb clothe on the floor and would throw it somewhere eles to make me take eles I'll get caned…
    I mean can't she just help instead of making a fuss of cursing and threatening to cane me and stuff….
    Is she mental or just always angry?
    I'm tired of living with her
    I really wish she could just
    Visit a mental hospital or just calm down for a moment or 2

  15. My mum has been dealing with really bad mental health issues for the last 2 months and they have felt like hell, hearing this is really refreshing as it always feels like nobody can understand what I would feel but his actually gives me so much help so thank you so much

  16. I grew up with a mentally ill parent. It also taught me a lot about addiction and mental illnesses, so I learned a lot from their mistakes. It also helped me understand what was going on with me when I started developing my own symptoms of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. By the time my issues appeared, my parent was well enough to figure out what was going on, so having that understanding really helped me. It also contributed to my hard decision of deciding not to have children of my own with the chance of them inheriting it as well. I don't want to subject an innocent child to that kind of hardship.

  17. Good video! Dealing with mental illness is no excuse for hurting others, especially one's children, and not seeking the necessary help for oneself. Conversely, the mentally ill aren't automatically more likely to abuse or neglect their kids, and many deserve tremendous respect for doing double duty.

  18. This brings back memory when my mom used to tell me how painful her life was and how she would have killed herself if my sister and I were'nt there haha

  19. My parents are divorced. My mother had always depression and she hurts herself. I can't move to my father because he is abusive. The only person I can trust is my teacher and I my wish is that I can live with him an that my mother goes into therapy…
    But I don't know how to tell someone. Especially my teacher…

  20. I feel like this video was a little unfair to some who deal with a mentally ill parent, but I'm sure it is spot on for other cases. In my case I was raised by a single schizophrenic father, who learned relatively healthy coping techniques to manage his life. I had to contend with aspects of raising myself and caring for my physically ill twin sister, on top of having an at first abusive mother who later abandoned us when I was about 5, and for a very short stint later a psycopathic step mother. It was my schizophrenic father whose behavior was sometimes confusing and scary, but much less scary than my mothers, who taught me very early how to cope with trauma and how to deal with disability, and people in general, in a compassionate way. When I grew up I did not need to 'get out', instead i met and married a wonderful man and together we cared for my disabled father until he passed away. People are quick to tell me that the repercussions on my mental health must be this or that, but I grew up in a mental health aware environment and I'm very grateful for getting an early start in learning emotional modesty( as in respecting your emotional limitations), and yes I did not get through it all with out a scratch, but its unfair to assume that a mentally ill parent cant have a healthy relationship with their child. My dad worked so hard to do the best he could for me, and I deeply appreciate the invaluable life lessons I learned from him. I have as an adult lived a happy and fulfilling life.

  21. I just turned 16. My mother is bipolar. I’ve been in the system 4 times. I’ve been sent back every time. My life is shit living here is shit. I just want to disappear.

  22. My mom acted like my dad was a terrible person. He did weed, it was because it helped his depression. He has 2 sons including me and a daughter. My sister was ungrateful. If my dad got me a cool shirt she would be mad and jealous and give my dad a very hard time. My mom made my sister see the wrong picture of my dad. My dad was already sad enough. Eventually my sister stopped going to my dads. He was devastated. He is now extremely depressed. I love both my parents. It scared me how sad he is and I feel like he feels suicidal. I look at my mom. She spoils me and my sister and step brothers. I’m thankful for such caring parents. But My mom turned my sister against her own father and I’m scared to be at my moms or dads house.

  23. My mother is bipolart and I feel like I'm becoming like her and being mean…. She yells at me but not as.bas as before. I just stay quiet. She keeps me inside and I'm always scared and I'm shy to talk to anyone and I'm afraid she'll cause a scene if I have friends. I can't see daylight

  24. This describes so much of my childhood. Very accurate description in a brief video. Sadly, we were estranged from most extended family, who also had their own mental health issues anyway. My parents tightly controlled the family and if anyone spoke up, they were kicked out of the house. I was the oldest daughter and tried to help my parents and siblings the best I could. Years later, by reading mostly, I discovered my mom was BPD with narcissistic tendencies and my dad was an absent parent who also was narcissistic. I wish this video would have been around when I was growing up-I was shamed for noticing the problems. Getting healthy has been hard because it means that I need to accept I will not have a healthy family and I’m on my own. But the plus side is that I can be healthy emotionally and can raise my kids differently than I was raised.

  25. in addition I would like to say that as rule- hopefully nutrition and exercise as well as support for creativity as related to the individuals interests would come prior to medications.

  26. and perhaps incentives for the supporting of nutrition -exercise and creative support could be a ubiquitously beneficial direction for a new and better collaboration for health for everyone. (your thoughts ? )

  27. also as an example you are clearly mentally and physically healthy. If you could address and explain your personal journey as to that achievement it would and priests already does already benefit those that seek your council.

  28. also – is body language part of what you've learned and apply by way of school or natural ability to your practice ?

  29. I'm 12 and I have a mentally ill mother and I have been dealing with it since I was 5 and I'm still gaining my strength and patience with helping her defeat it. It means so much to me to look after her.This video has helped me in life thank you🙏❤👌😵

  30. Im 13 years old my mom left me now my dads been depressed for 2 years and i've just felt sad tor day to days.sucks

  31. Me: had depression for most of my life
    Me: finally feels better
    Mom: finally admit that is depressed
    Mom: destroys family cause she started to hate everything we do

    Sorry I can't scream in the house so I wrote this to calm down

  32. My mum has borderline personality disorder (BPD) and I’m always trembling on egg shells I’m 12 and it’s really taking a toll on my life please can I have some advice someone 😭😭😭

  33. I grew up with a dad who has severe OCD and an extremely co dependent mom. To this day, even just visiting them triggers ptsd and I’m all messed up for a few weeks. It’s weird seeing how my anxiety can manifest.
    Thank you for this video.

  34. I HATE that my children go through all of this. They will be messed up for life. My poor babies.

  35. I’m 23 and My mother has paranoid schizophrenia. We live in different states and I feel the need to move in with her to make sure she’s okay. I feel like she needs another person in her home to be more stimulated and motivated to do things. She’s drinking all the time and I think having me around would help her so much, getting out of the house, meeting new people ect. I just want to do everything I can to help her but it’s very hard to understand what I should do. I don’t want something to happen and think “I could’ve been there to help her”

  36. My family home is just one big mental illness, dad had ptsd due to 16 years of being army, mum is bi polar, has depression, insomnia and really bad anxiety, brother has some type of autism, has a lack of empathy, dog suffers from panic attacks too, me? I’ve had my share of shit, from eating disorders, depression (and other things that I don’t like to associate my present self with) even though I suffer with some mental issues, living with a family that has different issues is hard, my mum goes through a cycle of taking and not taking hers meds, which is shit cause she that means she’s always anxious, “manic”, lie in mood and depressive. It worries me cause my littlest brother is only 9 months old and she scares me sometimes because of her episodes, makes em feel like I both want to runaway and stay to help out.

  37. My mom has chronic depression and Bipolar Disorder. I came back to my home to get a treatment after an accident because in NYC I couldn't get it because of insurance not covering.
    She said yes, and now she is insane saying that I never had an accident and that is all a lie and it's making any excuse to kick me out of the house when I even asked her for permission. It's driving my dad and my partner nuts, even me.
    And I am the only child.
    Honestly, she is 61, and I have decided this week that she ever gets to the point of being uncontrollable, she will go to a nursing home and I don't care. I was always against nursing homes, but the hurtful stuff has excalated. She is not having her medicines. 🤦🏻‍♂️

  38. My mother has depression and she is always angry and she always hits me and I hate it because I seriously can’t remember the last time I was told I was loved.😣

  39. My mom left my dad. as she was cheeting on him and her bf got her into alcohol I guess , then she left him and got a gf who is abusive toward her , I go see my mom once a week but my 2 siblings don’t I feel so bad for her because she feels like everyone is against her , I love her so much and she is very depressed , I don’t know what to do

  40. I wish I could live with my mom but he has admitted that he would kill him self if I left. He has bipolar disorder and a lot of emotions trauma from his ex wife and his childhood. I often find myself locking me in my room because every time I come out and see him we end up in a fight. He has never hit me, probably because his dad was physically abusive to him, but he has punched holes in walls and broke things. There are a few holes in the walls that ore covered by paintings. Other than when he doesn’t take his meds, he is a great dad but he has said if I didn’t exist he would has killed him self already so I don’t know what to do.

  41. My bf had a tia from my mom she yelled at him everyday for no reason he’s on pills for rest of his life nothing gets better living with a mother that has bipolar disorder

  42. I'm 38 years old and having trouble trying to set boundaries with my bipolar/ narcissist father. He is constantly calling me to trash talk about family members or tell me how they need to fix their lives. He's an expert on how to fix everyone's life, except his own. (This is only the tip of the iceberg concerning his issues)

    He recently told me what I need to do with my life so I told him that I'm an adult and that my life is none of his business, so he became defensive and doesn't contact me anymore.
    (This isnt the first time he has cut off contact with me)

    I actually enjoy when he stops calling me because it's a much needed break from the negativity he spreads, but I don't want to cut him out of my life completely because I'm worried about feeling guilty if he dies.
    My therapist told me to say to him, "If you're going to be in my life, then I'm not going to listen to your negativity." This wouldn't work because I know his reaction would be, "Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can or can't talk about."
    So I haven't spoken to him in 4 months. I just want a normal dad.

  43. I just noticed that I am a parentified child… I always knew that there was something wrong in the relationship with my mom. She got divorced like 6 years ago, dealt with cancer, depression and had to raise 3 children all at the same time… But I got parentified badly and really struggle from the consequences… I have very low self esteem, struggle from depression, anorexia and selfharm. I got admitted to psych ward for that. There they told me I should get away from home but never told me the reason why. So at the beginning I refused to but at one point I got really angry at my mom and noticed that there was something wrong. I decided to go looking for some alternatives. So we had a therapy session with my mom telling her that I probably don't come home to live with her. That was the last time I have seen her. The next morning I got the message that she killed herself. Her suicide was on 25th of january 2019. Idk how to handle this. I got discharged from hospital as I was inpatient for 7 months…. now I am still in therapy but I feel lile I am stuck… Everytime I try to talk abaout my mom I start crying and can't get a clear thought… I just don't know what to do. I am helpless.. I just can't handle this anymore. I am only 16 and my only wish is to end this endless pain. I just want to die….

  44. my mom has bipolar disorder and refuses to be medicated but i live in a house alone with her so i am the one who has to deal with it. she is the only person who supports me physically (clothes, food, etc.) but really doesnt at all emotionally. can i have help/advice

  45. GET OUT
    I lived homeless, yet HAPPIER then when I lived with my mom…

  46. Right my mum has depression and is currently going onto different one then stopping some of them. She snaps at me for no reason, if something happens that she doesn’t things right I get called “useless” “piece of shit” etc.

  47. My life in general, my dads an undiagnosed bipolar and he will never go to a psychologist. I’m going to go to a psychiatrist soon because I honestly can’t take it anymore. I don’t feel like I’m okay anymore and I really need help

  48. What do you do if you are 35 and no longer live with your 65 year old parent who is now developing full blown paranoid schizophrenia?

  49. My mother is schizophrenic, she was diagnosed with it before I was born but she stopped taking her medication. In the summer of 2015 she had an schizophrenic episode and then she was hospitalized. Now she is doing better, she takes her medication but she has a lot of phobias and I don't know how to help her. I live with her and my schizophrenic grandmother. I love them both and they do the best they can to raise me but sometimes i don't know what to do and I lose my temper or I may be a bit distant from them because I battle with my own problems.I feel very guilty sometimes and I feel like I dont help them enough. I am 17 and I want to study abroad and live my life as i want but I know I cant leave them.( English is not my first language so sorry for any mistake)

  50. Holy shit. I've never heard of emotional incest before and god, do things make sense now… I've always felt so responsible for my mom's emotional needs. It's such a relief to know! Thank you!

  51. I am a parent that struggles with my mental health and it terrifies me to think of the damage I could cause my children, I am getting help precisely because I want to protect them, they are still very young. I always struggled with depression and I have PTSD from sexual assault, and I had have postpartum depression. I am sorry if you lived with a mentally ill parent, I try my best to hide it from them, hopefully I can shield my kids from this, thanks for sharing the video it shows me what I do not want to be or do.

  52. i always thought my dad was mentally ill i had proof to support that fact i googled up signs of autism and alot of stuff my dad did where considered autistic as i told my mom and grandpa they agreed with me saying they felt like my dad had problems and was very off and needed help
    because we noticed he got angry easily for random reasons hes not stricked at all but he just randomly yells and me and my grand aunt
    and does not blame himself and blames every one else our family is like his therapist…

  53. I live with my mum and step dad my mum tried to od on some pilled the other day and my stepdad ran away from her for me and my sister to come home to find her having taken pilles and drunk lots of alcohol I keep having nite meres where I come home from school and she is dead I can’t deal with with it I’m 14 I’m transgender and my dad resently told me he dousnt want to know me anymore iv thought about offing myself to many times this past month and when I’m out the house all I’m thinking Is what if I come home and find her dead my head can’t deal with it I try talk to my mum about it and she said it’s partly my fault that she tried to kill herself

  54. Thank you Katie👍I felt like I was alone it’s really hard being a parent for your own parent. At the end of the day you are not responsible for their life. We love our family but you should always be #1 in your life

  55. My mum has paranoid schizophrenia and screams so loud it affects my head and literally makes me unable to function. Also she changes mood in a split second making me nervous and anxious all the time. I don’t tell anyone but i would just like to put this out here to relieve the tension. Not only has this occurred but she doesn’t even talk to any friends or family and then my parents say why i don’t go out with friends when everytime i do go out with friends they start calling me every second and asking me everything about what i did like an interrogation. One time that scarred me greatly is when they called the police on me for just going to the park and playing football. I just want to get past this but i cant even spend more time with friends and be closer to them. I just dont know what to do as my mum also doesnt take any medication and im starting to suffer from extreme social anxiety to the point i cant even look at anyone and my i start getting neck spasms.

  56. Is it possible to come up with a facebook closed page or watsapp support group to help us get together and share our stories. Believe me growing up with a mentally ill parent affects the affairs of my life and my relationship. I have a small kid she is very timid and sweet but mom is always yelling at hair for no reason at all. We grew up being yelled at she still does on daily basis she uses threats vulgar words to address us.

  57. I have grown up with a depressive and bipolar mother. My father was murdered when I was six, so she had to do this by herself. She suffers from several sources of trauma. Extreme poverty as a child, has been literally enslaved far away from home, working for a family in their house, where she also suffered sex abuse. Experienced violence and abuse from my father, when she took me back to her hometown after that, had to deal with society judgement. It was a small town, and now she had more money than most people, so they did all they could to make her feel judged.

    It made me grow up very isolated, she was afraid of everything and everyone. Now I'm 27, never had a kiss in my life, don't have any friends except for gaming pals. A few years ago, her illness spiked, and gained a lot more agression, and the weight went far up. If she has any problem at 1 house, she wants to move. I've given up 2 jobs because of her, and getting a job is not easy for me, since I'm not good at social interactions.

    Now, I'm waiting to be called at a new job (In Brazil, we have public services that, if you pass at a test, you get a public job position with great stability, they can't fire you without a very good reason. After the test results goes out, they have a deadline to call you and make the job official). So, I will soon have financial stability and safety, but it's really hard to do the get out part. She has no one to help her besides me (she has a good money income, above average in Brazil, because of my father), but no family, and she is extremally emotional demanding, so being alone would be crushing for her.
    I fear that my only option is wait for her to die so I can start having a life.

  58. This was a very special video. After my loved grandmother died my mother left me with her dead body then after the Funeral she locked me in grandmother’s house with a chain and cut off my electricity. I am still going to court. She was very loving and nice when she was in her manic state and then she did scary things to me when depressed

  59. My mother is bipolar and I'm basically her therapist. I have 3 younger siblings and I've always been the parent. But if I told them to do something because my mother wouldn't, "Are you the fucking parent? No." And she'd just get on a rampage. She once threw a chair at my wall and put a huge hole in it. Then the next day she'd just cry and say how she's a terrible mother and would try and be a suck up by buying things we didn't have the money for. Then the cycle would repeat. There was good days occasionally where she was just normal.

    So I am 15 and living alone with my mom who has depression. And it is starting to effect my life more and more each day, because her depression is getting really bad. Today she started yelling at me for no reason at all and tried to hit me. She has never ever in my whole life tried to hit me, and that got me pretty messed up right now. I know that she loves me and I know that she is having a rough time because of mental illnes, but I homestly just can't take this anymore. I really want to move out, but I am scared she is gonna do something to her self if I leave… I really have no idea what to do and it would mean the world to me if someone gave me some advice…

  61. i feel like my mom doesn’t really look at anyone as a human, but as someone to do work with them. i’m so afraid of her words and everytime she walks in, i feel like she might just yell at me. i’ve lost so many friends because she’s had anger tantrums in front of my friends and i have had to take care of myself mentally. but her and my dad just expect me to take the insults and the blame everyday and they don’t understand how much it’s destroying me. everything i do must circulate arounds my mom, and i feel like i don’t have a life anymore. i’m just scared everytime i come home and i hate school so much but i’d rather take a whole day or bullying than go home. thank you for the video, and for helping me with these strategies, and for everyone watching i really hope this helps in the long term.

  62. Seen a lot of YouTube videos about the topic, but this one nailed it. If you didn't have a family member to take care of you as a child, I feel for you. I was fortunate.

  63. Honestly, dead family members can be preferred to mentally ill ones if you are the only healthy one a d they're drowning you.
    This advice is good… get out…publicly sharing your story of family mental illnesses is ok. It is fine and not a private issue.
    They are the one that is supposed to be caring for you…if they get better…try to extract compensation care and if they refuse…save yourself.

  64. Okay I literally relate to everything you said in this video. Thank you for making this video Katie. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone in this. Thank you for giving me the information I want to get the help I need. ♥️

  65. Im 18. I hear the "moving out and moving on" thing. I'm just so stuck. It's to the point where she goes long periods doing great showing progress but I'm still caring for kids while she works. Now she has no job quit them and I'm still stuck at home picking up after the kids and I feel it's be wrong of me to leave AGAIN She would probably never speak to me again

  66. Great video. I would also like to add that you can't pour from an empty cup. You have t fill up your own vessel before you can start giving your time, energy and attention to another person.

  67. my mom also started to hate my sister's teacher and she wished her to walk naked on the road. one time a car passed and she wished that the driver will crash and die in the car without any reason!!!

  68. she also started to think the people around her are being controlled by her father as they are his "toys" but thats not true

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