Today I want to talk with you
about Radical Acceptance. Now what is Radical Acceptance? Well it falls under the DBT ‘Distress
Tolerance’ tools and skills that you learn. And the reason that they created
all of these different tools, Is because many people they find, Struggle with overwhelming
emotions a lot of the time. And those emotions make their life, for
lack of better a term, pretty miserable. And so what do we do when we are feeling
all of these overwhelming horrible emotions, We’re just feeling like run over by them. We have to learn ways to tolerate it. Distress tolerance. And the main thing that they believe, And I am referencing. If you remember, my handy
dandy DBT workbook. That is amazing. If you haven’t picked it up, I
encourage you to pick one up. It’s in my Amazon widget on my website
katimorton.com But one of the important things
that they mention in DBT, Is that sometimes pain can be avoided. But many times, Sometimes pain can’t be avoided. But many times suffering can. And that is the whole belief that things
are going to happen to us. We’re going to have bad experiences. And if we keep ruminating
on those experiences. And re-wounding ourselves by doing that. We’re increasing our suffering. Are you following? So we have these different tools in
our tool box of distress tolerance tools. To help us get out of that cycle. So that we can shorten the amount of
time that we ourselves suffer. When things happen. And when we feel those
overwhelming emotions. Okay. Now the way that Radical Acceptance works, Is it’s a distraction tool. Now, distracting us from, And I’m reading my notes because
DBT is very intense. It can temporarily stop us from
thinking about our pain. And as a result of distracting us
for that little bit of time, It can allow us to make
a healthier decision. That’s not based on rage. Or intense feelings of emotion. It gives us that little bit of time, That little squishy space. Where we can stop. We can think about the scenario. And we can decide a better
way to react to it. Or to respond. Because reacting would be when
we don’t actually use our tools. An important thing to remember
about Radical Acceptance, Is that distraction from it, Does not mean avoidance. Avoidance is when we actually choose
not to deal with anything at all. And we’re honestly distracting
because something has happened, And we have to find a proper
way to deal with it. And they offer up some beginning
to Radical Acceptance, They call them, ‘Coping Statements’. Now as you begin using Radical Acceptance. It’s important that you kind
of practice using these. Now you don’t, these aren’t things that
you necessarily have to say out loud, But maybe when something happens. Let’s say, even watching the morning news, Stirs up emotion in you. And you start to feel a little bit
overcome by emotion. In your head. Or even out loud to yourself. Utilise some of these statements. I just have a few options to share. And these are all out of that
book that I told you about. Now the first option, ‘I can’t change what’s already happened.’ So I’m already upset. Or, that person has
already hurt my feelings. ‘I can’t change what happened.’ Just saying that over and over. Kind of like a mantra. Radical Acceptance sounds a
lot like mantras to me. ‘It’s no use fighting the past.’ Or, ‘This moment is the result of
over a million other decisions.’ Because sometimes we find we get stuck
on one part of something that happened, Like, ‘If I had only just left earlier.’ ‘It I had only just said,’ ‘ “I’m sorry, I don’t have time
to talk about it.” ‘ ‘It wouldn’t have gotten to where it is.’ And we go back to what I
was talking to before, We ruminate on things. And re-wound ourselves about situations
that have happened in the past. So what we’re talking about today, Is Distress Tolerance. And I want you to try to utilise
some of these coping statements, That I just gave you some
examples of, in real life. And actually practice using this. Because Radical Acceptance is just
one of the many tools of DBT, That we can use in the moment. When we feel like our emotions are, Just completely overriding any
logical thought that we have. Does that make sense? So they are some ways that you
can practice this on your own. And like I said, It’s just one of many tools
that we will go through. But, if you would be willing to try. Watching the news. Reading a newspaper. Maybe getting on facebook and
reading about that friend. That stirs up just a little bit of that
overwhelming of emotion that you feel. And then utilise one of the coping
statements that I read to you. Like, ‘I can’t change what has
already happened.’ ‘It’s no use fighting the past.’ Saying these as mantras in the moment
when we are feeling emotion overwhelm us. Can help us calm. And like I said at the beginning, Give us that bit of cushion so that we can
make healthier, happier decisions for us. Because we all want to build wonderful
relationships with people. Am I right? And using these tools can actually
help us slow down our emotional process, So that we respond thoughtfully. Rather than react. And I hope that you find this helpful. There is going to be a bunch of different
DBT tools that we will go through. But this one I think is the best
to help us in the moment, When we’re feeling like, ‘Ehh. Everything is getting
a little too much.’ These mantras we can say to ourselves. Or ‘coping statements’. Can help calm us down. And as always don’t
forget to subscribe. I put out videos all of the time. And like I said, DBT is so intensive. There are so many different topics. And if you haven’t had a chance
to pick up this book, I have it on my Amazon
widget on my website. So get a copy. It’s amazing. And also, Don’t forget to check out
katimorton.com There are tons of chat rooms. And forums. And great places for you to go where
you can connect with others, And get that extra support
that we’re all craving. [Bottom right video] Gets on the snowboard. And he has a helmet on. And he’s like, ‘Thank you everybody.’ ‘It’s time to rock and roll!’ And he starts down the. It’s just the cutest thing. I’m like, Definitely. Let’s rock and roll. [Laughing] Subtitles by the Amara.org community

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52 thoughts on “DBT Skill: Radical Acceptance – Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

  1. "Accept it or change it"
    Either I accept the situation, or I start looking forward to see how I can change it. Either way I won't dwell in the past and hurt.

    However whenever I start looking forward I often gotta tell myself that baby-steps are steps towards said change as well. I can't change the world in minutes, I can however start reading up on politics in minutes. First baby-step taken.

  2. "The thing I fear the most has already happened to me." and "Please remember love." It helps me to fill in the book of my life with good memories so the "bad" memories/pages are put in perspective more. A physical manifestation of this would be creating a scrapbook which is on my to do list!

  3. Thank you I needed to remember this skill! I do dbt classes and forget all of the skills that I could use to cope better, I love having your channel to surf and remind myself of what I could use.

  4. my problem with radical acceptance is it backfired – I radically accept the things I cannot change in my life so I just get more depressed because i can't do anything to get out of my predicament so I just drown in it

  5. serious question.. DBT failed for me, what now? I'm a quite type, 48 yr old man, nothing seems to phase me when it comes to therapy, if I am perfectly honest, therapists start to become Charlie browns teacher voice after ten minutes. Is it me? I don't mean to insult, but all this stuff just becomes noise and has no meaning before I can apply it. frustrated!

  6. I have learned one very important condition about Radical Acceptance- Be very sure what you radically accept is the truth.
    I was lost in intrusive and untrue thoughts and was very ready to radically accept that I had to die and I was in the middle of slashing my wrist when a friend stopped me. Thankfully I would go on to learn that I was believing more than a few lies. So please, only radically accept truth.

  7. Just reading the description is helpful already to me right now. Didn't realize that's what I have been sitting here doing… Wow. BPD really includes a lot of pain. I'm happy I found skills I can learn to find a way out..

  8. I'm in DBT therapy and it's been helping me so much. I'm learning that I'm not alone. I'm learning tools that are really helping me in my daily life. I still suffer but it's seems the days a suffer are less. DBT Therapy works.

  9. Kati. You're videos, like this one, are so helpful and no nonsense. Thank you so much. (From a psychotherapist in the UK.)

  10. Hi. How can i talk to you about growing up with a parent with bpd who ruined all my chances/opportunities in life bc of their fear of abandonment, anger and rage exc i feel like my life is completely ruined and it gives me headaches being around these people, my neighbor upstairs has this and another guy i met, its extremely stressful and i feel drowned by these people. Also now i have tendencies

  11. My VA psychiatrist has recommended researching DBT for my PTSD/TBI symptoms. Your videos have helped as a primer…aaaand the video just answered my next question (workbook).

  12. Hahaha “that little squishy space” love it! 😍😍❤️ I love your channel! You are such a light in this world. Thank you!

  13. Hmmm the workbook links don’t seem to be working on your website through mobile. I wanted to make sure you get a little something if I am ordering it anyways lol

  14. Thank you for clarifying, ive been questioning if im avoiding things by accepting them and then letting go of bitterness and anger to focus on something else. Ive been practicing radical acceptance alot and its been working but my girlfriend ask if it was avoidance i didnt think so but its so hard to put it into words.

  15. The general consensus about being in a relationship is that they are monsters. I pray that isn't the case cuz im in a long distance relationship with someone who has bpd and i really hope we can make things work when we meet in real life.

  16. Acceptance is not a distraction technique. You are completely wrong on that. Quite the opposite. It allows the person to completely immerse themselves in the sensations, knowing they are harmless. Invite the feelings! Welcome them! They are beautiful! Let them take over and warm you! This is when fear ends. Coping techniques only fuel the fire. When you completely accept these emotions, you are free to feel them in their entirety, and suffering ends.

  17. Acceptance is nice I suppose Katie, but what about the crushing depression and fatalistic resignation that comes with this? I'm not one to accept things and I'm not sure how to even get past that point.

  18. This is helping me since I'm doing DBT on my own. I'm doing therapy, but focusing on other stuff. I'm doing this on my own. These videos are helpful. Thanks!

  19. "I can't change what has already happened. But I can control my reaction to the situation, so be careful not to overreact. This too will pass."

  20. "Anything worth having requieres effort and courage" or "When people live, there will be sins. What's important isn't avoiding sings, but forgiving them. A world becomes ugly and twisted when people try to stay pure." This last one is from an anime, I really liked it and I found the anime very helpful, too! 🙂

  21. there's a phrase i heard in a motivational speech once that goes: ¨maybe eight now you can't fathom getting through another year like this, or another month like this, another week another day like this, but ask yourself if you can get through this moment in time, just this moment, and make that your goal¨ and that's something i say to myself over and over again when i'm feeling particularly awful, that i can get through this moment, i've had many many bad moments and i know i can do it, it's okay if i need to think smaller and simpler and take it step by baby step, the first achievement is making it though this one moment, and that much i think i can

  22. Radical acceptance doesn't mean to accept injustice, a horrible life, or bad behavior from others. It's to accept that some people will never change for the better and the past can't always be altered. All we can do us enjoy today, embrace our loved ones, and fight for a better life. We deserve to be happy and have positive people in our lives for a lifetime. Many good wishes to all of you.

  23. God I'm finding this very hard I'm find the whole lot hard iv only got 4 mouths leafed iv asked them over n over I'm not great at reading n writing they just not visiting I'm get more worried bye the day if I dont get this iv got no other chance of doing this .

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