100 thoughts on “5 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist-Reclaim Your Control/Lisa A. Romano

  1. If you use these phrases yyou are still playing into their game, why bother giving them any of your valuable time and life, it is never worth it.

  2. Toward the end, a good 2 months into total grey rock, I used these with no emotion good or bad, just blank tone and expression;
    1. what's the difference, anything I say can and will be used against me. He froze for a good 10 seconds and then said 'fine' and walked away
    2. "ok" to this he would usually say something like "so you don't even care?" and I would look at him directly and respond, "what would you like me to say?" that shut him down 95% of the time
    3. "cool" to which he'd either say nothing and move on or again something about me not caring, then I'd just come back with the same "what would you like me to say?"

  3. 👍💞thank you Lisa, it has always been that I just do not know the words and phrases to stop verbal abuse. I did learn a few phrases to excuse myself but when still pursued I really had no understanding of what words could work for that. Namaste.

  4. Have you found that narcissists tend towards the disabled, because it affords them more control? That has been my experience.

  5. I don’t really care of what someone thinks of me. I sometimes hear false judgment at work about me but I don’t care to defend myself nor explain anything. I preserve my energy and I control on what I want to spend it.

  6. I'm not interested in your opinion of me. Your anger doesn't concern me. If I have to say this to anyone, I'm out the door as it will never stop. MUCH better to be alone.

  7. There are more female narcissists, in my opinion. And they're actually worse than the male narcissist, one big reason is that they are more easily able to trick the outside world that they're a victim and that the actual victim is the "bad" man, very typical outcome. Probably the most painful example is in family court. The dad knows who she really is, but the court leans as they always do, favoring the narcissist mom.

  8. What if they just use those phrases against you later and try to depict you as the narcissist? Any contact just makes them worse and worse and when trying to cut loose

  9. If you have several relationships with a narcissist can you catch it like can it run off on you or am I just currently married to a narcissist who has me so damn confused I’ve officially lost it and now believe the things he says about me. Do narcissist tell you do something that they in fact do. I know this may sound weird but my husband tells me all the time I’m lazy and unorganized now I may be confused with all his antics but I know for certain that I am neither of those things. Not even a little bit never have been. Quite the opposite in fact. Not something I was ever really made to do just have always been that way naturally. This isn’t like a grey area sometimes I’m lazy Or messy but most the time not . I mean that’s just not who I am. It would be like if he tried to convince me I had blonde hair. I don’t you can’t make me think that and he can’t make think I’m lazy and organized. My husband on the other hand proudly boasts about his type A personality, and how he can’t stand messes, says thing like he has to have everything organized just so or he can’t sit down, says that he doesn’t see how someone could lay around all day, that he always has to be working on something or he feels like he’s wasted the day. At first I thought he just wasn’t self aware because he is by far the messiest person I’ve ever known and loves spends everyoff day laying on the couch. None of those things about him bother me I’ll pick up behind him because honestly I don’t mind doing it. He’s weak in that area and I’m strong so naturally I’ll do those things more than he does. Every off day since we’ve been married he lays around relaxing but the whole time he’s doing it he will talk about how it feels so weird for him to laying around and not working on something. In 5 years of marriage I’ve never once seen this man do anything other than lay around when he’s off work which is fine rest enjoy yourself but why pretend like you don’t enjoy a day of rest there’s nothing wrong with that. And why drill in my head as often as he can about my laziness and messes when that isn’t true. It’s almost like he’s trying to convince me that I’m not the person I know I am. There’s nothing wrong inherently with the way either of our personalities are the both have positives and negatives together they make a great team but why try to convince me that you have a completely different personality type when I live in the same freaking house. I have three babies Under 3 two of which have autism. They had a virus last week and I had been awake for almost 3 days straight with a constant rotation between the three of vomiting and diarrhea. He knew it this was common knowledge I told him to watch the kids so I could get a quick nap ya know so I wouldn’t fall over dead from exhaustion. And he said my god how much sleep do you need. I said what are you talking about he said I just let you sleep all morning. He was trying to convince me that I slept that whole morning when he was referring to me sleeping from 6am-9am on Monday because I’d been up with the kids that night as well. It was Wednesday and he seriously thought he could make me think that I had just woken up from a nap I’m not getting enough sleep to differentiate what really happens sometimes from what he says really happens. I swear the lack of sleep and all the breast feeding is making me stupid. I used to be smarter than him and he knew I wasn’t an easy target. Now it’s like he’s using my exhaustion against me. I’m not even sure what this is I don’t know if he’s a narcissist or what. He really sounds like he believes these things he says which worries me because he’s got some serious metal issues going on if he believes all of these made up things. Maybe he’s right maybe I’m losing it he’ll I don’t know anymore

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  11. I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later…

  12. These key phrases are amazing. I’m to the point that he can’t do or say anything to trigger me anymore, but now he’s moved on to our kids and he’s slowly but successfully turning one of them against me and ‘Daddy does no wrong’…
    This is something I am struggling with terribly…to the point I am starting to even push her away because she’s starting to exhibit a lot of his behaviors towards me now, and I’m exhausted and scared of being continuously hurt by her, too. Do you have any advice or key phrase that will help me with my trigger points that are being triggered by my children.

  13. I have said these to people with what must be narcissistic behavior. But it makes them angry because, they don't want me to just be okay with but not agree with/admit or appologize for what they think of me (or as they put it KNOW who I am, what I've done and how I feel), so they don't stop arguing or trying to continue to keep me ingaged in the conversation for as long as it takes for one of us to just fall asleep or till the crisis patrol emergency van has to be called to stop her from attempting to kill herself or want to murder someone.

  14. Yep..don't let your ego get in the way. Everyone wants their feelings validated…the narc isn't trying to be a pain in your ass they just have a different way of thinking. Who is to say you're right and they're wrong..it's just two different perspectives.

  15. Very very good for personal and spiritual peace as well. If I can say these things and believe them myself then I feel like I'm actually releasing myself from these demons

  16. What you say is true. When I was young I learned to stop trying to change the world, and change myself to be better able to deal with this world.

  17. i told the narcs in my life flat out "i'm not playing these games anymore" and their mouths dropped and they stopped momentarily in their tracks and then they started a huge bicoastal epic smear campaign to take me down….all the way to chinatown….lol…. and it still continues but I let it be…thank god I found my HP!

  18. I like this a lot; however, from a spiritual sense I find it healthier to see personality disorders as beautiful parts of the universe. Without the narc, you cannot have the empath. The narc is not a Darth Vader as much as he or she is a broken gear in the clock of human experience. No gear is better or worse than another from a far away spiritual view.

  19. my question is .. part of this work is setting boundaries, so when they say something abusive should I not stand up for myself and say firmly that I do not want to be treated like that ?

  20. I re watch this one ☝️. It does help . But sometimes I forget those phrases . So I keep it close as a good reminder .

  21. Great video and thank you! My ex wife is extremely difficult, maybe it's the empath within me, that feels it's almost as if she doesn't even realize it when she is manipulative.. I do plan to shed the self created drama by her sooner than later, but I will tell ya… She always finds a way to pull me in and push my buttons.

  22. Brilliant advice and tools for life, if people practice long enough. I've ditched all my NPD numbskulls …but what I want to say is I learnt later . Women or men if your here take the psychological power back. These responses WILL work but don't get mad, don't get even . Most times we are cranky, we are really cranky at ourselves that we didn't set boundaries . Also go easy on your narcissist yes sometimes they are down right terrible but sometimes it's a big factor ….. sometimes they were never taught as a child or taught wrong and pandared too….point is a lot is the parents fault and we can't even blame them cause then it's what their parents didn't teach them and so on . It's a shame we have to learn all this psychological crap to just deal with people but spare a thought for those people that are this way… They have missed out on life lessons and really just will not get the amazing bonds with people in life that we do . They simply rub people the wrong way with their "I'm awesome just ask me " attitude . Don't hate em tho feel sorry for em and if your in this situation with someone you love definetly practise these tricks take the power back and in turn hopefully help the narcassist grow

  23. Thank you so much, my father is a narcissist and i am not able to get a job and i have to live with him so basically i depend on him and i have nowhere to go and the only reason he keeps me here is to use me and i just want him out of my business because im tired of his controlling ways and how behind doors he is like that but as soon as someone else outside the house comes in he is another completely different person pretending we are a perfect family when he even emotionally abuse his own mother and uses her for her money

  24. I was married to a covert narcissist 15 years. Was able to get away. 10 years later I find the stronger I get the more Narc's come around. This video is great. I need more of these phrases. I see around me at work, in family, and friends many of these types. In dating seems they are around in droves! Ugh

  25. When I sat down to talk with my partner who is narc and I told her how she hurt me the last fight we had and also the things she said to me. But her answer was that she is sorry that I feel like that and she did not say those things, that I must heard something else. She was in total denial and did not feel any responsibility about her own words and action. So narc also uses the same lines.

  26. I love how calm you remain when stating the facts. If I had to mention one thing from this video, it would be that I care how people see me. I am surrounded by narcissist. I am currently going up against a few that will most likely lead to court. I did not think I cared. But it annoys me when they saw faulty things about me. I should not care. I just wrote down your phrases that I will plan on using.

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  28. This abuse, is DANGEROUS. Does any life coaches who specialize in narcissism know what LAWS are in place that support women and children, abused by a narcissist? Like, my kids' minds and my mind, are all BENT, SEVERELY FRACTURED.

  29. There´s no more time for games and those dynamic types. Let them with their arms and whatever perception they have about us. Love it! Wise advice, Lisa.

  30. Loved it. Saved it to my notes 📝 on my phone so I can use them when I feel flustered and want to react emotionally 💓 Thank you!

  31. This is one of the best narc vids I have seen. Short and sweet and it hit it spot on. Thank you! This one is going into my narc folder. It also made me realize how I have to work on my Coda stuff!

  32. Thank you for good advice, this will come in handy with an extended member of my family who has been rnning circles around me whenever their agenda needs to be fulfilled.

  33. I really dislike the idea that its ok to have 'fun' in this way! Narcissists may create a LOT of harm but they are people – broken, wounded people. Treating their mental dysfunction with this attitude is simply not acceptable and is very immature. You lose any benefit of the core message for me.

  34. This narc satanic people never
    sleep. They are going crazy thinking about what tactics they should use in order to make me go crazy. I know that their main goal is to tarnish my public image so I be left with no oftion. They follow me wherever I go, watching my every detail moves. staying silent is best…let them do whatever they like I just don't care…

  35. Btw narcissists will react with some of these phrases when you react to them. Just dont show them your emotions. Ignore them otherwise theyll try to make you look like the selfcentred one (also with some of these sentences). My mother has pulled this before. So watch out for that.

  36. It seems I already was doing the "right" things, like you mentioned in this video. When she says that shes angry at me, I tell her: thats your problem, Im sorry you feel that way but its up to you on how to deal with it. Or when she tries to be competitive in a discussion, ignoring what I say, I tell her she is playing that game again and Im out. I also tell her Im fine with whats shes thinking even though its not true. If you want to believe thát, good luck with it.
    Your video confirms Im doing the right thing, thanks

  37. I’m the black sheep/scapegoat in the family. When my narcissistic mom doesn’t like what I say, she will just say “Whatever” in a dismissive way. Like something a teenager would say. And a word I never threw at her even when I was young because I feared the repercussions.
    But she feels comfortable to throw it at me even though I’m in my 50’s. And it always worked to shut me up.
    I’m not backing down from that comment from her anymore tho. I’ll call her on it. Won’t do any good to change her Im sure. But it’ll feel good to do.

  38. So simple yet so true. We don't have to engage with such people at all. Amazing phrases. Very Helpful. Thank you for this.

  39. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” is certainly a counter-aggressive tactic.

    I don't recommend using it on a friend who is trying to communicate feelings or needs because it is invalidating.

    As an experiment, ask someone you know to pinch your arm. Instruct this person that no matter what you do the only response they should give you is: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Have them pinch you until it starts to hurt. Once the pain has irritated you enough, tell the person: “Ouch! That really hurts!” Await for their scripted reply. How did you feel? Did your pain dissipate after learning they were sorry you felt that way? Of course not! Telling someone “I’m sorry you feel that way” is simply a socially acceptable way of saying, “I don’t care how you feel, your reality is wrong” (or worse: your experience is stupid).

  40. Did you know,..animal shelters are overloaded with Vampire replacements? But,..you cannot trade a Vampire for a puppy directly with the shelter due to safety concerns,..you have to ditch your Vampire first!!

  41. Morning Lisa i hav subscribed..tht wht i neeed 4 disarmed of a narc.i wil now TAKE controls.of thr Childress convo.on the way to the storage unit.i am a empath..thk u..

  42. My roomie just shared this with me after balling my eyes out last night from being accused by a narcissist of something I didnt do, because this person always defines what I think and do under their way of thinking…and then being abused psychologically simply because this persons belief inside his head was a reality….thank you sooooo much.
    I was in absolute rage from this person continuously doing this to me over a period of five years, admitting to some of it later, but then never changing and going right back to the same behaviour.
    In this case, it was my rage, my anger, and trying to control the person to stop believing such utter audacities about me, but rather, I feel, its an excuse to do unloving things, to feed off my energy because we all KNOW right from wrong…but I need to work on my anger, and feel the grief so that I can not have it affect me so powerfully that I project such unloving emotions…its exactly what they want…so they can point the finger at you…and say…see…look…she is in rage…its her, she is psychologically messed up, she needs help…all the while they have done this catastrophic action to harm the state of Truth…..
    I made the mistake of telling this person that as a child I was constantly cut off and not allowed to speak which is a source of much grief for me that turns into anger when someone does this to me…and so…the cutting off and controlling my ability to defend myself has not only not stopped…..but rather increased ten fold in any argument.
    I am just letting this person feed off of the energy and drain me…I will focus on this skills you laid out, hopefully this person is not going to see the post my friend posted on my wall to turn it around on me…as they so often do. As I had said…"psychology really says that the person who asks "is there anything you should feel guilty about" is really the person who is actually feeling guilt about something…got used, thrown back in my face, and totally turned around on me.

  43. I accept your faulty perception of me: this elicits the response of "it's not faulty it's true. insult insult insult insult…". It still hurts. These phrases don't disarm them or make them stop.

  44. in summary, these phrases elicit an argumentative response, more insults, and it ups the intensity because the narcissist does not know how to or want to back down.

  45. My mother is a convert narcissist. My daughter's father is also. And the only man I've dated in four years is also. I'm surrounded by them… all I do is cry… I'm 45 years old and it took ME going to therapy to figure it out. My mother has verbally abused me my entire life. And I guess that's why I attract narcissists because that's what I know, that's what I'm used too. I am a people pleaser to a fault. I cannot think of one time in my life, when I put myself first. Bypassed on career opportunities, a College opportunity and so many other good things in my life, because I've never thought I was smart enough. Even though I won Awards in school, I graduated in the top 15% of my class. I was in advanced placement classes my whole life. I was picked in 6th grade to be in a special english group by Davidson College students… I was reading The old man and the sea in 6th grade. I look back and I'm shocked. She always put a man before us or herself before us, but claims the opposite… she is 73 years old and still doing it. Just tried to pick a fight with me two days ago, never has admitted fault in my life. Never! Not one time has told me she was proud of me for anything that I have accomplished, does not think I'm a good mother. I pride myself in being opposite of her for my child. I've always felt like I had to either buy my friends or do absolutely anything they needed for them to like me. I finally have gone no contact with my mother, as best as I can, but I do have an eight-year-old daughter that loves her. Even though, my eight-year-old knows how mean her nanny is to me, she is old enough, wise enough and witnessed enough to know the truth. Of course, when she doesn't want to visit, it has to be my fault, it can't possibly be the way that she treats her or how she tries to control everything that everybody does …I could go on and on with example after example, but there's no reason too. You know what I'm going through.. at this point in time, I am doing all of the educating I possibly can on narcissism, so that I can learn how to fight fire with fire, so to speak. she manipulates Me and pushes my buttons, like no one else can, gets me in a fit of rage and then says look at you! look how you're acting. Her whole goal is to make me look crazy, so that she can go tell the entire neighborhood that I'm the crazy one, if she sees me speaking to the neighbors she assumes that I'm talking about her, it's her paranoia, so when I leave she goes behind my back tells her side of a story that they did not even know and makes it appear that I'm the crazy one. I'm the drug addict. I'm this, I'm that, when the reality is she's the one that's still on opiates, she's the one that still drinks alcohol. I'm not. I guess my point is to thank you. my eyes have finally been opened, the reality of what my life was. I'm at a huge split in the road of life. I am just praying that the next 40 years, if I live that long, I never meet another narcissist and how to go about doing that?? Thank you so much for your words!!

  46. im sorry you feel that way will get you punched in the face how to deal with a narcissist is get away fast and nothing else. seriously do not attempt any of this you will get hurt this is a very bad idea. you just going to get your viewers violently hurt

  47. I like the simple "Meh!" , smile and shrug – It's the same as saying "Who cares!" – They hate that they are not controlling/bothering you.

  48. Narcissist: a cruel creature, one who thinks his opinion is better than yours. Better poison his coffee with two drops of contact lens cleaner a day.

  49. My sister tells me I'm a codependent and my mom a narcissist. It makes my blood boil to think of myself as dependent on the person that I admittedly decided to care for as I promised as a child that I would. I told my sister I would stay and take care of her until the cops tazer me in the driveway and everyone hates me. Kicking and screaming it doesn't matter I said I'll be here to make sure she's okay. If it ruins my life its my fault. When I explained it like that to my sister she hugged me. My sister is Aries and the first born and I am a Cancer. She's very bossy and controlling and masculine and I'm basically a house boy that finally grew a pair due to much self reflection and videos like this. Thank you. My mom loves us and though she may be a narcissist, that is no excuse to abandon them in my opinion. My mom sacrificed for my life to exist and I take full responsibility of my happiness and life and choices. No one has it easy. At least no one I know. Except those who do not create value and only seek to reep the rewards of others contributions. The 1% of the 1% that print the money that has torn this country and divided each family. If you are in a rich family, deal with your narcissist. Do not separate and ignore and blame them. They have a right to treat us how we let them treat us

  50. Ouch. That was hard to swallow, that I’m codependent. But I always felt like my sense of empathy toward others could be crippling sometimes because I’ve worried so much about trying not to hurt people’s feelings or not say the wrong thing, or to make people more comfortable or smile when I can tell they are down, etc…it’s crippling because it is easy for people to manipulate me with their feelings. I can put myself out sometimes to make others happy, and that definitely goes for my narcissistic husband. Now I see why he thinks it’s so easy to control me and psychologically abuse me. I felt like I needed him to accept me. I did. 17 years of marriage and I’m a mess of a human. Destroyed from the inside out. I kicked him out of the house finally yesterday and now I’m doi Nd some soul searching.i know he will try to romance and apologize his way back just so he can blame me and change history again, but frankly I’d rather die. No worries, too many hopes and dreams to let myself give up on life. I will find some happiness again, but it won’t be with a narcissist!

  51. My favourite FUN way to disarm a narc is to respond with slightly raised eyebrows and say..’you took that reeeallly well’

    If they come back with more defensiveness say it again with a smile. Disarms every time! Let’s them know you aren’t invested in/effected by what they’re saying, devalues their crap and stops them in their tracks because the more they continue to talk back the more and more it credits what you’ve said!! Try it and good luck 😉

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